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Monday, January 28, 2008

Ashes To A$hes

- Roy and Gretchen Jackson have scheduled a press conference for Tuesday, at which time they are expected to announce the plans for Barbaro's ashes. But Left at the Gate has learned exclusively that the Jacksons will announce that the ashes have been sold to Darley for $200 million. "The Sheikh had tremendous admiration for Barbaro and his valiant struggle for life," said bloodstock advisor John Ferguson, "and that spirit can only help to inspire His Highness' horses to achieve the global dominance he so, so, so badly desires."

"And besides, it's a pretty cool collectible and he has the money," Ferguson added.

The Fans of Barbaro expressed outrage at the Jacksons, and took back, one by one, each of the 7,254 good things they ever said about them.

13 Comments:

Ernie said...

Mind-boggling

Michael said...

What are you doing man? I had one -- just one -- innocent mention of the FOBs being crazy yesterday and I got hit with a firestorm in the comments... you've lost your mind Alan.

steve in nc said...

Long live satire! F(*&(*& 'em if they can't take a joke.

Michael said...

I agree, this is Onion material... but they've proven that they can't take a joke. I worry for Alan's well being.

Jen Morrison said...

You is a brave, brave man Alan!

Jen Morrison

Superfecta said...

This is the funniest thing I've read all morning (and I was reading the Wonkette comments on the SOTU earlier, which were terribly entertaining). Watch the skies!

Anonymous said...

How you could be so cruel, so irreverent, so disrespectful on what should be a national day of mourning is beyond me.

(Said with tongue firmly in cheek.)

Perhaps the most annoying thing about the FOBs (other than the "s" after the "B") is their utter lack of sense of humor about anything Barbaro.

Just 366 (it's leap year, after all!) until the second anniversary...

alan said...

My past experience is that the FOBs don't read my blog. (he says optimistically) Failing that, there's always the 'don't allow comments' button. :-/

TripCrown73 said...

Everyone at work is now looking at me like I have lost my ever-loving mind for laughing so loud and hard. I'm just glad I had sat my coffee cup down since I still am in debt for a monitor, thanks to Sue's Christmas post.

But I do have to agree you are a brave, brave man and I hope your insurance is paid up.

PS - Alan, you are mistaken and mislead if you think the FoBs don't read your blogs. Just wait, one post on ABR and you will find out how much!

Glimmerglass said...

Alan, that took stones my friend to post that!

I'm sure The Onion has been flooded with hate mail from their assorted columns of satire on Barbaro.

One of their best from 3/07:

theonion.com/content/news/conspiracy_theorists_insist

Fire and brimstone are sure to follow from the FOBs!

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! It's so true that the FOBs have no sense of humor or of reality. Take, for example, the consternation and distress when it was discovered that the Barbaro story was not #1 on all major news outlets today.

Anonymous said...

One rarely gets the chance to actually follow through on an Internet acronym. But this?

I LOL'd.

Anonymous said...

This is FOB LaserRob. And, yes, I do have a sense of humor, and of hubris.

We are driving you Barbaro naysayers so mad.........................

Barbaro just may be your 'rosebud'.

Rob : )>