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Wednesday, February 02, 2005

I Want My HRTV!!!

- OK, enough is enough. Six graded stakes at Gulfstream on Saturday, and the Strub from Santa Anita, I’m doing a blog, and so now I'm really suffering the consequences of my selection of Direct TV (with TVG only) rather than Dish Network, which now carries both TVG and HRTV. During a virtual infomercial for Magna shown on the Sunshine Millions telecast Saturday, we were told that Frank Stronach is committed to cooperation and collaboration to further the best interests of the industry. But that era has not yet come to his HRTV…and though I know we like to blame Stronach for much of the industry’s ills, and correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems to me that TVG is equally complicit in the exclusive game. So I informed my girlfriend Deborah that I needed to switch. She said that’s fine, as long as they carry all of her favorite channels. OK. That should be no problem given the 180-channel package I’m eyeing. So I go onto their website and go down the list. Turner Movie Channel – check. Food Network – check. Home and Garden TV – check. Do It Yourself Network– check. Fine Living Network….

Er…Fine Living Network? FINE…..LIVING…..NETWORK??? Let’s see, there’s the Healthy Living Channel. The Beauty & Fashion Channel. Discovery Home. Lifetime. Reality TV. (That’s a channel? I thought it was just a disease!) Style. Encore WAM. Northern Arizona University/University House??? WTF is all this crap??? Where’s the Fine Living Network? Deb has to have it, she says; without it, no more Sheila Bridges: Designer Living! How will she watch Radical Sabbatical? How will she become Lost in Italy or attend Fantasy Camp or journey on Ming’s Quest???

All these channels…now my vision is getting fuzzy. What’s this?

- Fine Lifting Channel –The 24-hour body-building channel. Can you bet on that stuff?
- Brine Living Channel – For those of you who love pickles and want to try your hand at pickling at home.
- Confined Living Channel - Attorney General nominee Alberto Gonzales demonstrates the latest in humane treatment of enemy combatants.


Well, Deb is the one who encouraged me to write this blog. So say goodbye, my love, to the Wandering Golfer. Bid farewell to Rudy Maxa and the Thirsty Traveler. Dish Network, here we come. (Though it won’t be installed by Saturday. So if you see the races this weekend, please tell me all about them.)

- Question: Why is it that satellite providers have the technology to accurately black out specific sporting events in each local market, but they can’t come up with a way for you to watch your local Weather Channel forecasts?