The Ten Commandments

- As you might have seen, the Vatican last week issued its Ten Commandments of Driving, with exhortations ranging from the basic You shall not kill to more friendly-sounding suggestions such as Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

Left at the Gate has obtained exclusively the Vatican's Ten Commandments of going to the track, and they read as follows:

1 -- You shall not kick.
2 -- Be supportive and kind to the families of those who are throwing a tantrum after being nosed out with a 28-1 shot in the final leg of the Pick Four.
3 -- You shall not gamble. Er, well....not too much.
4 -- Refrain from loud screaming and jumping up and down to celebrate winning show bets on horses going off at less than 8-5.
5 -- You may use the name of the Lord sparingly, and only in certain constructive situations...such as "Oh God, please let me get lucky just this one time," or "Please God, don't let them take him down." You may not use the name of the Lord to attack or disparage any of His divine creatures, or in any phrases such as "You Goddamn motherf-----."
6 -- Complete your handicapping and make your selections before you get to the windows. Please!
7 -- Charitably convince and counsel the young and inexperienced to never take less than 2-1 on a horse trying to do something that it's never done before.
8 -- Avoid striking others when whipping yourself with the Racing Form during the stretch run, and when hurling it away after you lose.
9 -- Restrict use of recreational drugs to designated areas, such as the grass apron on the clubhouse turn at Aqueduct.
10 -- Never, ever swear to God when you say "I'm never coming back here again!!!" Because you know you will.