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Monday, December 29, 2008

Caroline Kennedy Calls An Audible

With her bid to win an appointment to the Senate floundering in the wake of her erratic performance in interviews over the weekend, Caroline Kennedy said today that she has contacted New York Jets owner Woody Johnson to express her interest in the now-vacant head coaching job.

When asked about her qualifications for the position, Ms. Kennedy noted that Uncle Ted played on the Harvard varsity squad in the 50's, and added that she watched the 1998 AFC Championship game and has read Joe Namath's autobiography. Regarding the Jets' collapse and what she would do to set things right, she said, "Well, you know, we’ve been watching the team that Mr. Johnson has put together and, you know, then there was a vacancy here, you know, just like everybody else, you know, who's going to fill it, isn't that interesting, there's a lot of great candidates, you know, I figure, why not try, I really think I have something to offer." When pressed for more specifics on how she would turn the team around, she added, "Well, you know, just, um, rah rah rah, move that ball, you know."

She declined to address her feelings on Brett Favre, but a spokesperson, in an email, wrote: "Caroline was fully supportive of the decision to sign Brett Favre. But now that he finished the season so poorly, she thinks it was a bad idea."

Ms. Kennedy embarked on a tour of sports bars around the city to introduce herself to the fans. She was outfitted in full pads and a helmet in order to ward off those annoying reporters.

11 Comments:

Handride said...

stick to the racing! FIgured I'd just pile on the hurt that this weekend brought you. Jets not in hte playoffs, & the Devs outplaying the boohoo shirts twice in a row now

jk said...

1-zip Isles after one.

If the Rangers do not win this one, Caroline Kennedy could be the next Rangers coach!

Happy holidays to you Alan, and to all LATG readers.

SaratogaSpa said...

could you imagine if a republican said that many "you knows" in an interview. The left would have a field day!

Anonymous said...

Now that was funny.

Handride said...

oh brother - yeah the liberal left media. No one ever made fun of the left. Dukakis in a tank, Kerry on a sailboard, hillary clinton on SNL, no, they all get a free pass.

Anonymous said...

Will SNL do a skit on Caroline?

Glimmerglass said...

It begs the question: will Marylou Whitney name a horse "You Know"? She and John have had a lot of fun poking fun at politics with horse names.

As for Caroline this was further proof 'the empress has no clothes'. She's as intellectually deep as her late brother was.

Anonymous said...

Someone give me odds for Paterson appointing himself to the Clinton seat? He never really wanted to be Governor anyhow.

alan said...

>>Someone give me odds for Paterson appointing himself to the Clinton seat?

Well, that would be one way for him to extricate himself from the budget mess and the farce that is the Democratic "majority" in the state Senate. I think the odds are rather high though. For one thing, with no Lt. Gov, he'd create a succession crisis. I mean, who would then be governor? Dean Skelos? Malcolm Smith? Shelley Silver? The Gang of Three?

I'm starting to think that he may just go the 'elder statesman' route, and name someone, like Mario Cuomo, who would not be interested in running in 2010. That would take the pressure off him in terms of what would be perceived as his mistake if his selection flopped on the campaign trail.

Anonymous said...

Long odds on Paterson, well then if 99-1 or more please give me a Jackson right on his nose! The only thing that might prevent him considering it is how close he was to Spitzer, and whether any "stink" rubbed off on him.

Anonymous said...

Alan, your Caroline Kennedy- Jets spoof was um, you know, a welcome attempt at some, you know, leavening holiday humor, and appears to be leading up to, you know, another Top Ten, but you haven't followed through. It really is time for, you know, your "Top Ten Predictions for 2009" and/or your "Top Ten Worst Memories of 2008", you know, to sort of lay 2008 to bed and out-of-mind. What's the New Year's Day ML on Caroline now? Anyone want to take a shot at it? Or does it fall into the, um, you know, much maligned "hunch" bet category?! /S/greenmtnpunter